That’s it, I’m Throwing My Shit

25 Jul 2023

I haven’t written since January of this year. And for that I would like to sincerely apologize. I let down my loyal readers, I will do better.

Speaking of apologies, did anyone see that Miranda Sings apology song? How crazy was that! Six months ago, I would’ve been able to write 500 words minimum on that thing. Now, not so much.

A mixture of consistent medication, depression and getting stoned all the time has left me with a severe lack of motivation for creative writing*. I previously wrote out of pure mania, key-mashing in a fugue state. I’ve grown to hate mania, and by extension, hate writing.

Self-awareness is a detriment to any creative output. The fear I had before I starting writing has made itself right at home again, like a 29 year-old who fell for a Crypto scam, but I know I must approach that fear differently this time around. Skipping meds was always a pretty sure-fire way of inducing mania and allowing me to think funny thoughts and put those thoughts into a Word doc. However, I would really like to avoid long term brain damage – so that’s off the cards, unfortunately.

I’m going to approach it this time using the “throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks” technique. So, here we go. Let’s start hurling lumps of messy, sticky poo-poo around the joint. Everyone’s talking about Twitter and Elon Musk, so we’ll give this a shot.

Shit Throw 1.

Elon Musk’s middle name should be 'self-sabotage'. But it’s not. It’s 'Reeve'. Sounds kind of dumb, no? Reeve? What, like Christopher Reeves? The guy who played Superman. He ended up a wheelchair and they did a Rear Window remake with him in the lead role. Did you know that? Talk about a diversity hire. In fact, they made the whole film because they wanted to find a role for Christopher Reeves now that he was in a wheelchair. You just know if that Rear Window remake was made today, the Walt Disney Company would be starting a GoFundMe campaign to get disabled people to go see the new, more inclusive, Rear Window remake. Representation does matter, I mean who did wheelchair bound folks have to represent them before Christopher Reeves in Rear Window? Dr Strangelove? The grandpa from Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Anyway, Twitter is being rebranded to X. Pretty silly if you ask me!

Shit Throw 2.

Elon Musk has decided to rebrand Twitter to X. Yep, you read that right, folks! X – like the roman numeral for 10. Is this a reference to the number of women Donald Trump harasses – per day!? Possibly. Or he thinks X is a cool glyph. It is when you think about it from the mind of a ten-year-old. I always wanted my name to begin with an X or a Z or one of the cool letters. Here’s a definitive ranking of the coolness of the alphabet, from worst to best.

U A I E O R S T L D N P M B F K H Y G Q X Z

I might have missed some, I’m not going to count.

Shit Throw 3.

Twitter! It’s back in X form! That’s a Simpsons reference. Good show. I saw a tweet not that long ago that mentioned how funny it is when Homer wears his reading glasses. I agree with this; it’s a great recurring sight gag. X. I posted an X, no one is going to say that, are they? I just wrote “I saw a tweet…”, without even giving it a second thought. Everyone is going to collectively remain calling it Twitter/Tweets. Or they won’t. I thought the same during the pandemic when I woke up one day and saw the news had decided to call it Covid-19 rather than Coronavirus. I thought “No one will call it Covid-19, that sounds silly! It sounds like a droid from Star Wars”. But then everyone did, when was the last time you heard someone say “Coronavirus”? I bet it was ages ago, wasn’t it? Everyone thought that Corona beer would change their name or something. I thought they handled that pretty well, it didn’t really affect them in the end, all things considered. X dot com. Sounds like porn doesn’t it. When did X become the sex letter, I wonder. Do you think it was because the word Sex ends in an X, and rhymes phonetically with X? I could look this up, but I won’t.

Well, that’s that. Maybe I will start skipping my Citalopram after all.

*I cannot believe I sincerely called this "creative writing"