Films

22 July 2022

When I was 11 years old we had a school assembly where the person presenting mentioned Jaws. I wish I had more context to offer but that’s all I have. The person leading the assembly was a guest and wasn’t a teacher. Why were they talking about Jaws? I do not know. Anyway, they asked the school if anyone knew the director of Jaws. I was at the back on those weird glossy benches used for P.E, but older kids got to sit on, and since no one put their hand up I volunteered, got called upon, and answered correctly.

The woman giving the presentation was replied “Wow, we have a film buff over here”. I had never heard that term before but since that moment I made that label my entire personality. I’m not sure how I knew Spielberg directed Jaws, I just did.

From that moment on I consumed as many movies as I possibly could. I loved Spielbergian 80s action and adventure movies as a kid, I could practically recite Back to the Future at aged 12. Then as a teenager, I watched The Matrix with my uncle and realised film could be more than 90 minutes of fun, that films could mean something. I must’ve watched The Matrix every day after school for 2 weeks, I still love that film as much as I did then. It changed, not only my perspective on films, but my life.

Have I seen the latest Matrix film? Of course, I haven’t.

I was that kid at school who, on the last week of term, would carry with me a case of about 20 DVDs, just in case a teacher suggested putting on a film. I distinctly remember handing my Geography teacher a copy of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off on the last day of term. I never liked watching films in school as, often, no one would pay attention. Do these 13-year-olds have no respect for John Hughes’ legacy. The guy is dead, for fucks sake, plus look! Ferris is pretending to be Sloane’s dad now!

I went down the usual “film-bro” pipeline in my later teens. That realisation that not only can you obsess over actors and films, you can obsess over screenwriters and directors. My Tarantino phase was relatively short-lived, although I do remember the first time I watched Pulp Fiction, the excitement that movie provokes from a late teen is nothing short of miraculous. Then the typical batch of white guys: Nolan, Anderson (Wes and P.T), Scorsese, Kubrick, Fincher, Lynch, Von Trier, Coens, Jonze, all those guys. You get the idea.

One film I always say was the best film I saw at the cinema was Denis Villeneuve’s sequel to Blade Runner. I watched Scott’s Blade Runner the night before going to see 2049, and those two films amazed me in the same way the Matrix amazed me all those years before. The scope of both is just astounding.

Have I seen Villeneuve’s Dune adaption? Of course, I haven’t.

The only genres I really enjoy these days are shlock horror and those boring films you stick on, on a Sunday afternoon. During lockdown I became obsessed kitchen sink dramas. I got really into the likes of Gerwig, Baumbach, Duplass and Jarmusch. Textbook mumblecore. This is around the time I got into writing and tried my hand at writing screenplays. I was also smoking too much hash which gave me unreasonable delusions of grandeur, I thought I may just be the next Harmony Korine (see Kids as another example of a movie that changed my life).

My screenplays were shit, they tried too hard to be down to earth and slice of life, they just came across as the mumblings of a bored, stoned 20-year-old, which they were, to be fair. I’ll try it again someday, I’m sure, but for the time being the hour I spend a day writing these directionless think pieces are all I need to satisfy myself.

Have I seen Gerwig’s Little Women adaptation? Of course, I haven’t.

I spend my evenings now watching an assortment of things I’ve seen before. I’m rewatching Supernatural now, which gives me a good 300 or so hours of entertainment. I also enjoy bottom of the barrel reality TV and doom scrolling TikTok. You know what I don’t enjoy? Watching films. I don’t think I’ve watched a film in the last two months. The last film I rated on IMDB was the third Urban Legends movie; a direct to video sequel to Jared Leto led film from 1998. If anyone fancies watching three of the worst horror movies of all time stick those fuckers on.

I wish I had any desire to watch any of the movies A24 are pumping out at the moment, but I don’t have the attention span or energy. I’m sure I’d love Minari or Everything Everywhere All At Once but god knows I’m not going to watch them. Is it TikTok addiction, the fact I do edibles most evenings or just plain old depression? I’m not sure but I hope I can regain my love of films that I had as a teenager.

I want that indescribable feeling of when you first watch The Big Lebowski or Taxi Driver. That twist ending of Se7en. The singalong bit in Magnolia. The sinking feeling of The Blair Witch Project. The joy of Withnail & I. The wonderment of The Matrix.